By Abbey Benvegnu
It’s very common these days for people to feel lost in their relationships, struggling with the ideas and concepts behind what constitutes a good relationship. The focus here… romantic connections.
I’ve come across a number of people of late that aren’t happy in their romantic relationships and beg to ask the question.. why? The why behind the why.
Have either you or someone you know been in the situation where you feel like you are in a funk with your relationship, your needs are not being met or there is a lack of communication. Why are we so scared to voice our opinions, our feelings or our shortcomings? Fear. The fear of the other person not accepting your feelings, the fear of potentially losing your loved one because of how you are feeling or what has happened? People often don’t tell the truth because of avoidance of this fear and I am living proof. If I had been more truthful in my relationship with my ex then I am positive that there could have been a resolution less painful than what I experienced. People don’t tell the truth because they don’t want to hurt someone, and that is a value to be proud of. However, failing to be truthful can have even worse repercussions. Sometimes we need to be able to voice those feelings, feel the hurt and pain to be able to learn the lesson and move forward.
It annoys me now that people avoid. Don’t shut your partner out, don’t suppress the emotions and resort to cheating or lying. Because the longer you suppress and avoid the closer you get to hurting your loved one on a much deeper level and in turn, hurt yourself. If you truly love yourself, you wouldn’t deny yourself of the potential for a unbreakable love.
It takes all of us to do the work on this and for us to keep working at it – to keep striving and everyday trying to make your way through the journey… together.
Everyone’s process is different but I believe that the underlying lessons are the same. So how do we get there? What works for you
There is only one happiness in life… To love, and to be loved
I sat down the other day and I decided to write a list out of all the qualities I want for a new potential love match and came up with some really good stuff. Beyond all the physical and material aspects of a relationship I think we all have similar desires for what we want out of a romantic connection
Communication, trust and loyalty, unconditional love and sexual intimacy, a caring and genuine nature and not to forget a good sense of appreciation.
I thought this was a pretty well thought out list, and maybe there are others but I’m focusing on the non physical and non material natures of the relationship. If we were to go down that route then obviously a good pun and someone who is active and motivational – those qualities aren’t for everyone so it goes to show that those aspects can differ among us.
I sat and looked at my list and then asked myself the most important question…
What am I willing to provide in my future love
And the answers are the same.
We spend so much time focusing on all the things our partner does or doesn’t do for us but we never look in the mirror and assess what we are giving into the relationship. Sure, you can say you look after the kids, you do the cooking or cleaning but again, non physical. What are you GIVING to your partner. Are you providing the same qualities that you demand? I know I didn’t, and I now know that given the opportunity in the future, I will mirror the exact image of what I desire, give all the qualities I expect and when I feel myself falling into old patterns, that’s ok too… Acknowledge it, talk about it and learn from it. We are always learning, never finished.
Do you have a tough topic you know you need to talk about but the fear is unbearable… take a leap, start the conversation and give your partner the opportunity to respond, learn and grow with you… If you cant overcome the issue then is this the relationship you really want to stay in? Its not easy, and I don’t expect it to be but… if you want the crem dela crem…
Your relationship will thank you for it.