Are You a
Closet Critic

By Abbey Benvegnu

Some women openly criticise and judge absolutely everyone. Also known as Mean Girls (thanks Regina George). Totally happy in her own unhappiness its an effort to pull others down to make herself feel better. Yes. We all know this to be true but what I am about to say is really going to rock the boat. 

It’s you, the closet critic who is doing the most damage. 

Secretly, or even sometimes openly amongst other close friends you are criticising and judging other people and sewing the seeds of negativity and brutality within your own self. 

For example, your partner leaves his morning cup of tea on the bench with the bag still in it and you think to yourself “Omg he’s so lazy I cant stand this” or your friend buys a lavish new outfit and you think “how irresponsible of her, she cant afford that”. Day in and day out you are secretly criticising other people and making judgements on their life. But why? And how can you stop it?

Don’t get me wrong, I have fallen victim to this behaviour regularly and to me it sparks so much interest as I believe if I could let go of all the criticism and judgements I have ever made, how simple life would be, how freely would my energy flow. On the weekend I found myself furious with the behaviour of others that I didn’t even stop to consider my own. Even last week, I was around someone judging another and making assumptions about someone’s business based on their appearance. How are we even doing this and feeling like it is ok? Well… it IS ok… 

This people IS COMPLETELY NATURAL. But in it’s essence. What it is…

Is that when we judge others by the things they say and do, we are actually projecting our feelings onto others. We are accusing others of the VERY things we disown or reject about ourselves on a subconscious level.

Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are. 

Here is how it worked with me…

I have struggled with the fear of rejection which stemmed from the early days of my childhood. I have been minutely aware of this fear but never truly acknowledged it and I excluded that it was ever really an issue. The whole time, my subconscious being completely aware. And, one of the prime directives of the subconscious mind is to preserve and protect.  So in order to do this, my subconscious will seek to resolve this fear by searching for opportunities to work it out. Through my entire life I have been led into situations where I have had the opportunity to bring that fear completely to my awareness. The end result… A relationship with someone who “triggers” my fear or the unacknowledged emotion inside. I attracted a relationship where my partner withdrew, was cold and didn’t show any signs of affection or love. In return, I became very critical and judgemental naming all the things wrong with his side of the relationship. Instead of thinking to myself, I’m scared he doesn’t love me and will leave me I was thinking “he never pays attention, he’d rather spend time with other people instead of his family and he’s wasting money on unnecessary crap and playing music all day instead of saving and spending time with me”. 

When you can’t acknowledge your feelings or accept something about yourself it is a sign that you do not love yourself. If you don’t love yourself then you are not at peace with yourself or the world around you. There will always be things to complain about and the people around you in life will never measure up to your expectations because deep down within, YOU don’t measure up to your own expectations.

Unless you can learn to love yourself, and accept yourself and the feelings that you have inside, you will never fully be able to be loved by another. And isn’t it about human interaction and connection that we all truly desire in life the most. So lets start by loving ourselves first.

Abbey Benvegnu xo